The Restless Mouse

more graph humor and song chart memes

Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been
playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house
and asked her, ‘Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the
same room and one is on top of the other?’

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth.
‘It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.’ Little Tony just said, ‘Oh, OK,’
and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandma, it isn’t
called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s Mom wants to
talk to you.’

I call this game “Police Blotters we would like to see.”  To wit;

WHAT THE POLICE BLOTTER SAID:

Neighbor Problem -An officer responded to the above apartment for a harassment

complaint. A party reported that she was having problems with her

neighbors swearing at her. The officer explained her options.

WHAT THE POLICE BLOTTER should have SAID:

Neighbor Problem -An officer responded to the above apartment for a harassment

complaint. A party reported that she was having problems with her

neighbors swearing at her. The officer told her to go fuck herself.

New business mergers!

Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called -
Poupon Pants. (my warped sense of humor loves this one!:)

Knott’s Berry Farms and National Organization of Women: New
company will be called - Knott NOW!!!

“John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
‘There’s a car being towed from the parking lot’ he shouted.
A few moments passed ‘An ambulance just drove by’
A few moments passed.
‘Looks like the Andersons have company’ he called out.
‘Matt’s riding a new bike’
‘The Coopers are having sex!!’
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked ‘How do you know they are having sex??’
‘Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too’”

It’s rare that I laugh out loud at three jokes in a row… Maybe we overdid it with the Kahlua in the coffee this morning…

Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist? They
fight tooth and nail!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?  He sold his soul to
Santa.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a
car crash?  He’s all right now.

Didn’t get this one at first; guy on the radio was saying…

I saw a wino eating grapes. I told him, “Dude! you have to WAIT.”

I was down at the hardware store the other day and I noticed they now have a vast array of locking mailboxes. My sister is thinking that her mail may have been stolen recently. My suggestion for mail theft: Mail yourself letters about the money buried in your backyard. When someone shows up with a shovel, shoot.

WANTED: T-Mobile phone Marysville

Mine fell in the toilet. After a couple of days drying, I don’t think it’s
going to work again. Any style appreciated.

A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new
fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American
patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt,
on the other, Nathan Hale.

Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the
official replied, … “Now, when you have a coin toss, you can
simply call “Teds, or Hales!”