The Restless Mouse

This Yo Mama joke from Joke-of-the-day doesn’t make any sense. Maybe that’s where the humor is.

Yo mama is so fat, when she passed by the tv, I missed a full
season of Friends.

We have been getting various requests for catalogs. Reasons for catalog requests vary ( Toni C. in Texas writes; “If I stare at the computer too long, I tend to make a horrible honking sound and crave pickle juice. It’s odd.” ) Others simply want to read in a more comfortable spot.

I have been remiss in my catalog duties, it needs a lot of work and a lot of items added. But it’s summer here, quite hot in my attic office space. Everyone is cranky except the dog, and he only looks cheerful because he is panting. Anyway, I am going to get caught up on those, sorry for the delay.

NETFLIX is getting rid of the “profiles” and “profile friends connections”, which I applaud. Profiles was an ill-advised move to try to tap into the whole “social surfing” web thing, but movie renting is to some degree a very personal thing.

I don’t necessarily want my friends being able to see what I have rented, these guys are brutal and when Teresa puts something like “1000 wedding dresses” or “WHO’S THE BOSS - Season Two” on *my* profile (she would never bother with creating her own profile), I would never hear the end of it. I could just hear the guys at work, “How could you rate “Something about Mary” only TWO STARS?? That was the best movie ever!” (Sorry, I don’t care for “discomfort comedy”, Something about Mary, Meet the Fokkers, That stupid Christmas movie where Jamie Lee Curtis’s husband has neighborhood Christmas traditions thrust upon him, geez what if a Jewish family moved there?)

Years ago, we saw a stupid “Brady Bunch” parody at the cineplex, Greg and Marsha were acting like they were going to KISS. You could have heard a pin drop, everybody stopped slurping their sodas and munching popcorn. Teresa put her hand on arm to restrain me for standing up and yelling “FOR GODS SAKE THEY’RE BROTHER AND SISTER!” I know, not blood relatives, but still.
——————————————————————————
(Info from NETFLIX SITE below)
What is happening to Profiles?
A:

We will be eliminating Profiles, the feature that allowed you to set up separate DVD Queues under one account.

When? Profiles will be eliminated on September 1, 2008.

Why? While it may be disappointing to see this feature go away, this change will help us to continue to improve the Netflix website for all our customers.

Do I need to do anything? Consider moving all DVD titles in your Profiles Queues to your main account Queue. To do so, log-in and visit this page

How will this impact my account? On September 1, 2008:

* All DVDs currently at home or in transit will be associated with the main account Queue
* All Profiles rental history will be added into the main account rental history
* Your additional Profile Queues will be eliminated. If you would like to keep a copy of each Profile Queue we recommend that you print them out
* Prior to Profiles going away, we will also email you a copy of your Profile Queues
* Profiles movie ratings and Profiles Friends connections will no longer be available
* You will not be able to transfer your Profiles data to a separate new account
* You will be able to set a maturity filter on the main account

I noticed this at the bottom of one of those “My husband died in a plane crash” spams. Considered making it my email signature…

Be also notified that I will no longer be reading my emails or surfing the
internet as I have retired completely from the outside world to my ranch,
at this moment I have nothing to do with cars, emails and other luxuries

I could have had this statue at a local garage sale for a song, I think it was there at the sale they had last year too. But I suspect that Teresa would question the artistic value of this specimen vis-a-vis the aesthetic sensibilities of our abode. All of a sudden she’s a museum curator? Next year, I’m buying it. I hope it doesn’t get ruined by the moist air in the garage.

I was going to post this as “What Would Jesus Do” but I can’t picture him peddling fart machines on the Internet… Anyway, we have an unhappy customer… Here’s the poop on that… We sent two windup furry mice to a lady in Indiana, a couple days later, this email…

I received my order, but the black mouse came to me broken. Not real happy.

Normally we wind them up one turn just in case on small orders like this, but haven’t been finding bad mice, so I guess this one slipped through the proverbial crack. All I can do at this point is offer refund or replace. But I know already this is a customer that is lost to us. So I reply;

I am sorry the black mouse is broken. I can send a (tested!) replacement, or refund for that mouse and half the shipping, although I would rather have sent you good mice in the first place, I guess we need to test those before sending. Thanks for letting me know, John

…If you were in her shoes, would you consider this fair? I offered a free replacement, or the entire cost of the defective item PLUS half of the shipping she paid. I didn’t ask for a return of the defective product in this case. I might have bent over backwards and refunded the whole order, until I got this;

I think it’s pretty bad that I have to pay anything for a defective product. Forget it! I just won’t order from your company anymore. I also sent a copy of this to the state attorney general’s office in Indianapolis, IN. And, I told all of my friends about your company.

Now I have seriously itchy keyboarding fingers here but my mama always admonished me, “The more you stir shit, the worse it stinks”. NOT REAL HAPPY to have the full wrath of the Indiana Attorney General’s Office coming down on us. I will try to keep you posted about this contuinuing saga from the jailhouse.

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE

Now I have the song “Indiana wants me” stuck in my head.
—————————————————————
SECRET WORD COUPON: Use the secret word “Indiana” in the comments field of your order and I will throw in a black windup mouse (working!) - If she doesn’t want hers maybe you could use one.

There was a fire at Universal Studios over the weekend, could they just put it out and move on? No, your tax dollars go further than that….

Concerns for air quality due to the acrid smoke prompted the South Coast Air Quality Management District to send a chemist to take air samples at the scene, said spokesman Sam Atwood. Results were expected Monday morning.

I’m no gubment chemist but I would say the air samples will have SOOT in them and show conclusively that THE FIRE SHOULD BE PUT OUT to improve air quality. Sheesh

more graph humor and song chart memes

We are constantly bombarded with emails from Chinese manufacturers, touting all kinds of strange products, I kind of think these are small operations trying to emulate the success of others, but not there just yet… Although I am sort of intrigued by this “eye massager”….

Hooks into your USB port, then what? I don’t want to end up on the church lawn clawing my eyes out. They need to provide more details. Can I wear it in the bathtub?

My Oh My, and I’m not talking baseball (esp. this year)

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer runs an opinion column that actually has this bit of nonsense in it… I always thought you had to have some sort of edumacashion to write for them big city newspapers…

“…This weekend in my own neighborhood I observed one guy driving a Maserati with his top down. I counted three Hummers and I spied one couple pulling a powerboat behind a Cadillac Escalade. Far as I can tell, if Americans had any common sense, such behavior would have been banned years ago. Either that, or taxed into oblivion…”

Gosh! He had his top down! Personally I don’t care if they are pulling a Cadillac Escalade behind their powerboat… Isn’t this supposed to be a free country?? Do I have to trade in my decrepit Ford Explorer for a motor scooter? It’s got so many miles on it, it’s more of a science project than a truck nowadays… Would than earn me points in her snooty court of public opinion?

P.S. Here’s a link to the PI article in case you think I am making this nonsense up to stir the pot. Turns out she is syndicated out of Washington, D.C. - Has a show called “To the Contrary” - So this must be a big phony shtick like that Dr. Laura. That figures. Back in the day us common people would run her out of town, but hardly anyone has pitchforks handy anymore.