Aspiring to a management position?
Dress sharp. Look sharp. Be sharp.

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Great new ways to help your supervisor tolerate you!

• Learn to play golf. Your supervisor will appreciate it if you carry his clubs and his small, dimpled balls.
  
  
• Don't be a yes-man. Just nod your head quietly.
  
  
• Eliminate the competion. Make sure the boss sees it when Larry from Accounting is snorting leftover donut-sugar through a coffee-straw.
  
  
• Admire the picture of the spouse, but don't touch. This also goes for the spouse.
  
  
• It's nice to share. Don't be weird about your stapler. You can buy a brand new one for ten or twenty bucks at OfficeMax.
  
  
• Be Prepared. Bring extra clothes to work in case someone tries the old "Poke The Coke" trick on you. The boss doesn't like it when people have to go home and change.
  
  
• Help your boss become more productive. paint all sides of his Rubik's Cube the same color.

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THE RULE

Rule One! The boss can do no wrong. Is her skirt caught in her pantyhose? Are his shoes on the wrong feet? You should take this as your personal cue to do the same, whenever possible. Your supervisors are trendsetters, or it could be a case of top management saying "We will wear our shoes on the wrong feet until this division returns to productivity!". It's very important to stay on top of these trends if you want to get ahead.

Syncophant's Corner

Having trouble seeing where you are going? Get your supervisor this wide-angle glass belly button insert

Tip of the day: Splash a little coffee behind your ears. Your co-workers are sure to be intimidated by the subtle hint of superior caffienation.


Is your supervisor comfortable?
A comfortable supervisor is a happy supervisor.

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Speak the Lingo- Definitions of common business buzzwords

(With a nod and a wink to bullshit bingo)

• New Economy- Similar to Old Economy, but you won't be in it.
  
  
• Out of the box- The cubicles are being fumigated today.
  
  
• Paradigm- Twenty Cents.
  
  
• Synergy- Energy derived from sinning. Your supervisor should be given as much opportunity to sin as possible. It's good for the company.
  
  
• Wow Factor- Did you see Bill's new receptionist?

SUPERVISORS: Do you have subordinates who need to see this page?
EMPLOYEES: Forward this page to others who need an attitude adjustment.

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